Oh silly heart!

wanting things you can’t have

hoping for things you don’t need

loving the one soul you shouldn’t

hopelessly waiting to be freed

 

 

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How to Build a Tree House

Step 1: Find a reason

15 years ago, I had an awesome reason to build a tree house. My best friends and I had recently created a Best Friends Club and we thought it befitting of our elite group to have a place of our own. When our first two club house options proved to be too great a construction task, we defaulted to a tree house. Because come on, how hard could it possibly be to build a tree house?

Step 2: Find a tree

A tree house requires a good tree for a base. A good tree will have a wide and sturdy trunk, strong and low enough branches, and will be located at a central spot on good, flat terrain. Our tree was none of the above. We chose a skinny lime tree with a thorny trunk and branches, on a rocky slope in my best friend’s backyard.

Step 3: Gather building material

Lumber is ideal. However, when the University woodshop has a scrap pile, the pieces found there will make do. Lots of nails will be necessary, or handy at the very least, especially when found in an office undergoing construction at the University. Depending on your location and the scope of your project, zinc could also come in handy. If said zinc is already being used as a shack for a farmer down the street, simply run at full speed and kick down said shack. If the pieces of zinc are much bigger than you anticipated, grab the farmer’s crate and run away from the scene.

Step 4: Be flexible where building plans are concerned

It could prove quite difficult to actually get up into the tree, so be prepared to build the tree house beneath the tree. The trunk can be used as a central column, and the space between the trunk and the lowest branch makes for an ideal kitchen window.

Step 5: Build!

On the off chance that your building plans change and the foundation of your tree house is a gravelly slope, a paved floor is the first order of the day. In the absence of actual cement, marl and stones will substitute poorly. In any case, mix marl, stones, dirt, sticks (and anything the shovel picks up) in an old wheelbarrow with a gaping hole in the center. Pave floor as best as possible and leave to dry. Next is the wall. Nail one single piece of board to the trunk. If there is additional lumber, another wall (or 3) would be strongly recommended.

Step 6: Decorate and add finishing touches

Take a single pane of glass from your own kitchen window, without your Mother’s permission. Also take one kitchen towel to use as a curtain. Wedge the pane of glass between the trunk and the lowest branch and nail the kitchen curtain across. Step back and admire the handiwork, then go home because it’s been a long day and your parents will not appreciate you getting home after dark.

Step 7: Treasure the memories

About a week after we built our tree house, it was destroyed in a hurricane. It could also have been a very strong thunderstorm that completely unhinged our wall. In any case, our window stood firm. We didn’t have much time with our tree house, but it was a magnificently fun adventure and we will forever treasure the memories.

 

 

 

 

 

Living with Catapedaphobia

My name is Shari Kelly and I’m a catapedaphobe. In other words, I cannot and will not jump from any height that I think could result in me harming or killing myself. I am a legit black person. This tremendous self-discovery … Continue reading

12 of My Favourite Childhood Cartoons

I tend to feel blogging inspiration more on Thursdays, often times in a specific throwback kinda way. So, yeah. This post is gonna take you waaay back! NB. This list is totally random because I could never ever pick just … Continue reading

Diary of a Chikungunya Patient

Day 1

I am woozy and light-headed. My left foot hurts and my chest has a weird ache. Thank God it’s not my ankle because that would definitely mean chik-v. I am now so cold. My pajamas, hoodie, sheet, and blanket are not making this any better. Is this headache for real, though? Crap. I should have blended those now dry and wilted papaya leaves like my husband had suggested.

Mother of God, I am at Death’s door. Or maybe his verandah. Who cares, I’m in his neighbourhood. There are fireworks behind my eyes and lava where my brain should be. My entire body is sprained.  Warm tears now run down my cheek and I am having the opposite of a full body massage.

Day 2

I am constantly being transported between a live volcano and Antarctica. Mortals call it the chills. I am so hot, Frodo would take the ring to be destroyed on my forehead. More papaya leaf juice. Or extract. It’s so bitter it would make Hitler cringe. At this point I would swallow a snail if it would make me better. Painkillers are as effective as Sweetarts.

My geriatric limbs cannot take me to the bathroom in less than a minute. My bladder has forgotten how to bladder. Everything tastes weird. Is this soup or thick water? Surely I will feel better tomorrow.

Day 3

Headache has receded to the back of my skull and the rest of the pains follow suit. I can shower on my own. I can walk to the kitchen. Too bad I’m out of water; my lip is cracked and chapped. Thank God I don’t have ebola. This is the worst lettuce I’ve ever tasted.

Day 4

I feel good. I will sweep and clean up this messy place. Right after I make some pineapple-cherry juice and go buy some sugar. Wait, where the heck is this headache coming from again? Didn’t I just get 5 minutes of valuable sunshine and fresh air? Am I not cured of this pestilence?

Ugh, the little beans behind my ears, in my pits, and you know, there, now hurt. Why do I feel so itchy? Ugh.

Day 5

Mother of God. My beans are killing me! I am 95 again and tastefully dotted with red splotches everywhere. My face is shedding disgracefully and itching forcefully. What. The. Actual. Heck. Welcome back fever, you were missed. Truly.

James Vincent McMorrow is transporting me to another world. I see Chinese ladies playing banjos in a field. I need him to sing the soundtrack to my life. And sing it live at my funeral. Because surely I am laying in Death’s own soft, spongy, double bed.

Day 6

I am still here. And James is still with me. My beans are smaller but still very tender. My taste buds are working now and I have a reservoir of water. My lips are still extremely chapped.

Surely this virus was created by the US as a means of biological warfare. I am itching to scratch myself. Maybe I should create a human grater? No. Better I make bed angels. Think snow angels. Ah, it works.

Crazy thought: aren’t bodies just so weird? It’s like, it’s a person but when the person dies, it’s just a thing because the person is so much more: a personality, a host of special memories and moments. But what is one without the other? I don’t know. I’m probably high on Histal right now. My baby is gonna be so cute.

Bored Girl

Good grief. It’s been 7 months since I’ve last chittered or chattered. What on earth might have I been doing for pretty much half of 2014 that would have kept me away from my beloved blog, you may ask? And even if you didn’t ask, here’s what:

I’ve been spending a lot of time writing screenplays and directing short films. More on those another time. I’ve also been busy photographing weddings. And even more so, I’ve been very busy couch-potating. It’s what I do, who I am.

That being said, this is just a courtesy to let the world know that I am, in fact, still alive. And so is my blog.

My thoughts are, as usual, very scattered, like the surprised ants on my kitchen counter. If this post makes it past the draft stage, it shall be a monumental success on my part, mostly because I’m having a terrible case of ugh-I-hate-what-I-just-wrote-itis. Truth be told I have 5 drafts still floating around on this still suspicious “cloud”, and countless others on more physical and understandable platforms like actual paper. I just read this paragraph and it already feels like the cloud is gonna win this one.

Dammit.

So, here’s what I’m gonna do: not re-read everything I just wrote and hit PUBLISH.

Bazinga!

I’m gonna re-read and edit the crap out of this and post it several days, weeks, or months after today, October 2, 2014.

Bazinga, again!

I actually re-read and made only one change. A change you will never know. A change that will haunt you forever! Ok, got carried away there. So, yeah. I’m back. And partly bored. Thus the title. Next post will be more meaningful. Promise.

Unless it starts with a Bazinga!